Quaker Quaker

This post is actually not about Quaker Quaker, but about the idea of a Quaker Quaker, which was explained a bit here:

If we became a religious society of Finders, then we’d need to figure out what it means to be a Quaker-Quaker: someone whose theology and practice is Quaker. (Quoted from here)

The past few months have been trying for me, as I’ve struggled with labels: whether I can call myself a Christian or not, whether I’m a Buddhist or not. I never questioned whether I was a Quaker, because I am that to the core of my being: but I questioned what kind of Quaker I was: was I a Christian Quaker? a Buddhist Quaker? or a (simplicity forbid!) Christian Buddhist Quaker? how about a Buddhist Christian Quaker? Or maybe a Quaker Buddhist Christian? What about a Universalist Christian Buddhist Quaker?

All along, the answer was right there in front of me each day when I checked the Quaker Quaker blogs: I’m not a Christian Quaker or a Buddhist Quaker or any of those other hyphenated Quakers (that oddly enough aren’t hyphenated) I listed above. I’m just a Quaker. I guess I could say I’m a Quaker Quaker, but that seems a bit redundant.

I found my label over a year ago, when I first realized that Quakerism was the right place for me to be spiritually and was already my spiritual home. But then things got complicated. Conversations with my sister-in-law made me question whether I was Christian or not; going to church (Catholic and Episcopal) for holidays made me uncomfortable. I started feeling the need to define myself further: okay, I’m a Quaker, but what kind of Quaker am I?

When it became increasingly clear to me that I’m just not comfortable calling myself Christian, I started becoming more interested in Buddhism. And I’ve learned a lot from Buddhism, mainly practices that have allowed me to become a more compassionate, friendly person. (And one great trick for dealing with my mind wandering during Worship: just think “Thinking!” whenever I catch a thought and then let it go and start again.)

I enjoy Buddhist practices, especially tonglen (check it out for yourself; it’s such a wonderful idea), but the truth is that I just don’t believe in Buddhist faith. I like the idea of karma as an inspiration for compassion, but I don’t really believe in it. It’s so tempting to me with Sugar dying to believe in reincarnation so that I can dream about meeting her again, but reincarnation just doesn’t feel that real to me. I like following Jesus’s teachings, as he is such an example to me of someone who led their life in complete accordance with God’s will. But I’m uncomfortable with the theology of Christianity.

When I call myself a Quaker, I do it with no reservations. Both Quaker practice (Meeting for Worship) and Quaker faith (that everyone has an equal share of the Light) are things that feel real to me. There are no explanations needed when I say I’m a Quaker (unless the person I’m talking to doesn’t know what a Quaker is). If I tried to say I was a Christian or a Buddhist, I would have to explain exactly what I meant and would know that a significant percent of Christians/Buddhists wouldn’t agree that I was one.

I’m just a Quaker, plain and simple.

[EDIT: I feel the need to add that I have nothing against hyphenated Quakers. If you feel that you are both Christian and Quaker, or Pagan and Quaker, etc., then there’s nothing wrong with calling yourself by both names.]